


Bed and Breakfast

by Erimthar



Category: Warehouse 13
Genre: Cunnilingus, Dream Sex, F/F, Masturbation, Psychic Sex, Wet Dream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-25
Updated: 2015-01-25
Packaged: 2018-03-09 01:50:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3231725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erimthar/pseuds/Erimthar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Myka Bering discovers that even self-pleasure isn't as simple as it seems around Warehouse 13.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bed and Breakfast

**Author's Note:**

> A porny little piece set during season 1, not long after the arrival of Claudia on the scene.

 

“Is this better?” Leena asked. She opened the curtains on the east-facing window of the room, giving a view of a moonlit open meadow.

“Much better,” Myka replied with a smile. “That other room was way too dark. I’m a morning person. I like the sun to wake me up coming through my window.”

“Well, I think Claudia will be more than happy to switch with you, then. That girl doesn’t want to see the world before 9 a.m. I think she considers sunrise a personal insult.”

“Then I guess I’ll be enjoying your lovely bed & breakfast while she makes do with bed & lunch. Her loss.”

“Bed & _power bar_ is more like it. She’s not much for sitting down to meals. Makes her feel too much like a normal person, I think.”

“And we all know that’s not allowed around here,” Myka said. “But thanks, Leena. It’s nice to be able to come here at the end of the day and not feel like my furniture is looking at me.”

Leena looked thoughtful. “I can almost guarantee that it’s not,” she said. “Go ahead and move your stuff over here. We can move Claudia’s stuff to your old room. I’ll intercept her when she comes grumping in here at whatever hour of the morning and point her to her new room.”

By the time Myka got all of her clothes and things moved (Pete even took a few minutes away from _NCIS_ to give her a hand... she felt honored), it was getting pretty late.

It had been a stressful day... part of a stressful week accentuating a stressful year in the midst of a stressful life. It was time to unwind and get ready for her date, with the only lover she’d had since arriving here in Unnamed Unincorporated Settlement, South Dakota.

Myka locked her door, closed the curtains of both windows, and adjusted the antique full-length mirror she’d had Pete lug specially over from her old room. It was a beautiful mirror, and Myka had checked it over extensively with Warehouse equipment to make sure it wasn’t a stray artifact... perhaps the property of some famous voyeur of times past.

She studied herself in her usual working outfit. Straight black pants, matching blazer, blouse of some plain pastel color... lime green, as it happened today. Hair tied back. Myka sighed. _All that’s missing is a nice big pole up my butt_ , she mused. Then giggled at the unintended kinkiness of that image.

Myka kicked off her shoes, and, watching herself in the mirror, undid her pants and slid them down her legs. Stepping out of them, she quickly sent her bikini panties down the same route. With a perfectly executed Stripper Panty Kick, she left them hanging on the back of the chair by the window.

Striking a sexy little pose, Myka studied her half-naked reflection. It always turned her on to be in this state... all business from the waist up, all pornography from the waist down. She often imagined doing a video conference like this, or sitting behind a desk and interviewing someone.

She sighed again. Horny, horny, horny. Even more than usual. Must be the time of month... or maybe the fact she hadn’t had sex in over six months. Eyes on the mirror, she slowly divested herself of blazer, blouse, and bra.

Myka took a bath towel from her pile of recently-moved stuff, and laid it out on the middle of her bed. Then she rooted around in her biggest suitcase until she found what she needed. Eight inches long, sheathed in lifelike silicone, powered by a rechargeable battery, and (most importantly) very quiet, as these things went.

“Hello, Sex Life,” Myka said to it.

_Talking to my vibrator_ , she thought ruefully to herself as she positioned her bottom carefully on the bath towel, lay back, opened her legs and hooked her ankles on either edge of the mattress. _It’s Prairie Fever, that’s what it is. I’m losing it._

The soft purr of the vibrator was joined in short order by the somewhat sharper purr of its owner. Less than two minutes later, as predicted, Myka lost it.

_I deserve this... I’ve earned it_ , she moaned to herself as she drifted from one delicious orgasmic confection to another. Some were Squeaky Hiccup ones that came on suddenly and were over in five or six head-spinning seconds. Others were Shivery Moan ones that went blissfully on and on and on, like waves coming in to shore.

Myka knew that when she felt this horny... and it wasn’t often... there was only one way to take care of it once and for all.

Taking a deep, shaky breath that ended in a sharp hiss, she slowly slid the entire length of the vibrator into herself. She unhooked her ankles from the edges of the bed and slowly brought her legs together until they were pressed tight.

Myka looked down at herself, at her long, slender legs and pointed toes. The vibrator buried tightly and deeply inside her was buzzing her entire pelvic area, and her thighs, with hypnotic pleasure. She whimpered as something stupendous started building up deep, deep in her loins.

And now the final maneuver. Keeping her legs pressed tightly together, Myka brought her knees up slowly toward her chest. The vibrating shaft within her slid slightly, pressing more and more firmly against her g-spot and clitoris... and... _and..._

...and 30 seconds later what was left of Myka offered silent thanks for a strong heart, a healthy nervous system, and the towel she’d had the foresight to lay under herself. And then she fell instantly asleep.

At least, she figured she must be asleep, since that was the only way to explain why she suddenly seemed to be having sex with another woman.

It took her a few seconds to realize that was what she was doing. She had to piece that conclusion together from various puzzling bits of evidence: something soft and wet in her mouth (labia); something smooth and warm pressed into her face (buns); and a sensation between her legs that made her belly twitch and her toes curl (a very talented tongue, and soft, smooth cheeks nuzzling her thighs).

She gave a low moan of pleasure, muffled slightly by her mouthful of Dreamgirl. Was it really fair to have a dream like this, after all she’d been doing to herself this evening? _The only thing that could make this evening better would be having sex with an actual human being_ , she thought, and chuckled (which Dreamgirl seemed to enjoy, judging by the way she squirmed at that moment.)

The dream was amazingly realistic... at least it seemed so to Myka, who had never actually had sex with a woman in the waking world. The only oddity was that Dreamgirl seemed to be completely silent. Myka could see her (her butt and the backs of her thighs, at least), and God knew she could _feel_ her, but there wasn’t a single sound except those she was making herself.

Myka sobbed as she felt a finger and tongue plunge inside her simultaneously. Well, this might be a dream, but such a thoughtful favor deserved to be reciprocated.

Using her fingers to part her imaginary lover’s engorged folds, Myka plunged her tongue in as far as it would go, then swirled its tip around in wide, lazy circles... first clockwise, then counterclockwise, then a few darting licks in and out, brushing over Dreamgirl’s bulging pink clit. Encouraged by the response she seemed to be getting, Myka captured that marble-sized bulb gently between her teeth and sucked it, then tickled it rhythmically with the tip of her tongue.

Dreamgirl responded by by shuddering and thrashing frantically (but silently) and apparently losing the ability to coordinate her actions, her busy finger and tongue jerkily pursuing their own separate agendas inside her. Within seconds, Myka felt her dream lover’s openings spasm uncontrollably against her mouth and nose, respectively. A dozen powerful contractions, and the girl collapsed on top of her in a silently panting, sweaty mess.

Myka felt herself starting to slip over the edge. She clenched her toes and tightened her trembling thigh muscles, trying to hold back as long as possible...

But while Dreamgirl may have been down, she certainly wasn’t out. Suddenly she started doing... _something_ with her tongue that made it feel like there was a hummingbird trapped between Myka’s nether lips. Myka gave a pathetic little squeak of disbelief that any human tongue could move so fast, and then she lost her mind.

*  *  *  *  *

Dreamgirl was gone when Myka opened her eyes, of course. Glancing at the clock, she realized she’d only been asleep for a little while... it wasn’t even midnight yet. She sat up groggily to inspect the results of that sweet, sweet dream. Her thighs were soaked all the way to the knees. The towel had been a good call. She shook her head and smiled as she used it to clean herself up. _First wet dream in, what, ten years? Gotta get out more, Bering. Or in more, as the case may be._

Myka usually slept in just her panties, adding a slip if there was the slightest chance of anyone walking in on her. But tonight she decided to leave well enough alone and go naked, in case inspiration struck again during the night. She was running low on underwear, and didn’t want to have to do laundry until the weekend.

*  *  *  *  *

Myka didn’t walk downstairs the next morning; she _glided_ down. She hadn’t had such a good night’s sleep in years. No waking up at 2 a.m. with worries about some work-related issue clanging in her head. Just blissful rest, uninterrupted by any further dusky-skinned dream trysts.

Leena already had coffee waiting for her. She took one look at Myka and did a double-take, then giggled.

“I didn’t hear anybody come in last night, apart from Claudia,” she said.

“Neither did I. Did somebody?”

Leena looked puzzled. “You mean you were alone last night?”

“I’m always alone at night, Leena. You know that. _Everyone_ knows that.”

“Hmmmm.” Leena continued to peer at her curiously. “It’s just that... you may be sitting here in your bathrobe drinking coffee, but your _aura_ is still lying back and smoking a cigarette.”

Myka blushed and inspected the surface of her coffee. “Dunno what you’re talking about,” she murmured. “Just a dream, is all. A dream I _deserved_ , I’ll have you know.”

Leena smiled at her. “Ah hah. So your subconscious mind is taking matters into its own hands and giving you the love life you’re not bothering with while you’re awake.”

Myka frowned. “Whaddaya mean, _not bothering with_? It’s not like I’m wearing a nun's habit, you know. I haven’t had any offers.”

“Whatever you say, Miss Long-Legs Long-Neck Sensuous-Lips.”

“Dunno what you expect, here in Middle-of-Nowhere, South Dakota,” Myka crabbed.

Leena smiled even wider. “Okay, number one: Middle-of-Nowhere is fifty miles from here, all the way in the next county. Number two: it’s not like you really spend much time here. You’re off jet-setting with the exciting Secret Agent life while your poor, hardworking landlady (me) wastes the best years of this particular life behind a vacuum cleaner.”

“Now.” She put her elbows on the table and leaned in towards Myka. “Dish. Who was your dream about?”

“I don’t... I...”

“Johnny Depp? Orlando Bloom?”

“No.”

“Johnny Depp _and_ Orlando Bloom?”

“Leena, no... I don’t know who she was.”

Myka bit her lip and mentally tried to reel that sentence back into her mouth, as Awkward Silence stepped into the room and made itself at home.

“ _Sheeee_?” The smile on Leena’s face was truly wicked.

Myka considered slithering under the table, but her Secret Service training rebelled against such a retreat. “Leave me alone,” she wailed. “Quit reading me!” She put her hands over her ears as if she could keep her aura from leaking out that way and falling under Leena’s merciless scrutiny.

“Smoothie,” came Claudia’s voice from over by the doorway.

“What? You too?” Myka whirled to face her. “How do you people know so much?”

Claudia, their new red-headed, wise-assed electronic genius colleague, stood there in the doorway in t-shirt and shorts and boots, looking nonplussed at Myka’s outburst. In her hands she carried a cardboard beverage holder containing three...

“Smoothies,” she said. “For breakfast. For us. I drove into town and got them so Leena wouldn’t have to cook. You know, that’s the freakiest town I’ve ever been in. An actual _soda jerk_ made these for me. I kept expecting Rod Serling to step out from behind a building and start narrating at me. Kinda surprised the whole town isn’t in black and white.”

“Not since the upgrade about ten years ago,” said Leena. “Did you get me my orange-and-banana?”

“Sure did.” Claudia took a seat at the breakfast table, setting the smoothies down. “And a well-earned orange-and-banana it is.”

Leena giggled at that. Myka didn’t know why, and didn’t really care at the moment. But her mood improved a bit when Claudia handed her the delicious-looking strawberry-and-cream smoothie she’d brought for her.

“Myka was just telling me about a really nice dream she had last night,” said the evil Leena. “I guess that new bed must really agree with her.”

“Do tell?” Claudia’s grin matched Leena’s.

Myka, straw in mouth, looked at one smirking face and then the other. With a sigh of disgust, she slammed her drink down on the table.

“Okay, fine,” she said. “Last night I had an extremely vivid sex dream in which I and a _very_ talented black woman performed oral sex on each other. I didn’t see her face, but I sure felt her tongue, and I had the most incredible orgasm of my life followed by the best night’s sleep you could ask for. And this morning I felt like the queen of the world until you two harpies spoiled it. Happy?”

Leena and Claudia looked at her in astonishment. Then looked at each other. Then back at her.

“What?” Myka snapped. “You wanted details, I gave you details.”

“Ummmm,” said Leena. “Myka, you said this dream woman of yours was black?”

“Or close enough. So?”

“Skin about... the same shade as mine?”

Myka looked at her and considered. “I guess so. Why?”

“Were you in, like, a sixty-nine position? With you on the bottom?” Claudia asked.

“Yes. How did you know, and what the hell is wrong with you two?”

Leena and Claudia glanced at each other again. Leena looked... guilty? Why?

“I think,” she said slowly, “I might owe you an apology.”

“For hounding me halfway to tears over a stupid dream?” snorted Myka. “Gee, ya think?”

“Not about that. I think... I think the girl in your dream might have been _me_.”

Now it was Myka’s turn to stare. “What? No. It wasn’t real. She disappeared when I woke up.”

“No... I wasn’t there last night. I was there... um... two nights ago. And not with you.”

Myka stared at her in helpless confusion.

Leena sighed and looked at the ceiling. “You know I’m a strong psychic,” she said. “Sometimes, when strong psychics have really powerful moments of emotion, it leaves a kind of residue. A recording. That’s what _hauntings_ are, for the most part... recordings of powerful emotional events experienced in that spot by a psychically active person in the past. The more powerful the psychic, the more vivid the recording. And if there’s some sort of _grid_ right nearby... like, say, the metal springs in a mattress... that can hold the recording together even more strongly.”

Myka shook her head, trying to wrap it around what Leena was telling me. “So... you’re saying that two nights ago... you had sex in that bed. And it got recorded in the _bedsprings_... and then the recording of you having sex played for me... um... _on_ me, when I went to sleep in that bed?”

“That’s pretty much the size of it,” Leena admitted. “But usually you need some kind of emotional release to trigger the recording. Had you been masturbating when it happened?”

Myka blushed furiously. “None of your business.”

“So that’s a yes. I’m sorry, Myka. I didn’t know it would happen. I hope you don’t feel violated.”

But now it was Myka’s turn to grin wickedly. “So who was _I_?” she asked.

“What do you mean?”

“If that was a psychic recording of you having sex, then I was feeling what your partner was feeling, right?”

“Yes,” Leena’s voice seemed to have gotten a lot smaller. “And... uh, _doing_ what my partner was doing.”

“I was wondering where I ever learned to lick girl with so much confidence, considering I’ve never done it. So who was the lucky one? Pete? Because if it was Pete...”

“Yeah,” said Claudia, deadpan. “It’s a fair cop. Leena was licking Pete’s pussy in that bed.”

Leena nearly snarfed smoothie out of her nose at that.

Aaaand... it dawned on Myka. “Hey... that was _your_ bedroom until last night, Claudia.”

“Your powers of deduction never cease to amaze me, Holmes,” Claudia snarked.

Myka took a moment to process it.

“So... you two are lesbians?”

Claudia shrugged. “Depends on who I’m looking at at the moment. Two nights ago, _whoa doggies_ was I ever a lesbian.”

“You were a pretty damned good one last night, too,” Leena smiled at her. “Such a good kisser.”

Claudia beamed. “Thanks!”

She finished off her smoothie. “As for Leena here, I can tell you she sure as hell _should_ be a lesbian if she isn’t one.” She leaned over to Myka in the classic gossip pose. “Did you feel that _fast_ thing she does with her tongue?”

Myka smiled and nodded, then remembered herself, cleared her throat and looked soberly down at the floor.

“Holy _crap_ , did that ever feel amazing,” Claudia concluded.

“I’m glad you liked it,” Leena said. “Um. I’m glad you _both_ liked it.” She smiled wryly at Claudia. “And it was especially nice to find out you’re not a pain the ass _all_ the time.”

Claudia giggled. Then bit her lower lip, thinking, and assumed what Myka was already recognizing as the Mischievous Claudia Look. She put her elbows on the table, rested her chin in her hands, and looked straight into Myka’s eyes.

“Hey, Myka,” she said.

“Hmmm?”

“I’m being a lesbian right now.”

“....You are?”

“Yeah. Are _you_ being a lesbian right now?”

Flustered. “I... I think maybe I’m being pretty lesbian at the moment, yes.”

“Do you see how well that works out? Now, I’m gonna go knock on Pete’s door and get his lazy ass out of bed. We’re gonna go get changed while he drinks his smoothie, and then we’re all gonna go to work and see what bullshit Artie has for us to do today. And tonight, we’re gonna come back here, you and I are going to take our lovely landlady into your room with the Magic Bed, and we’re going to _pay the rent_. You up for it?”

Myka blushed from her head to her toes. Put both hands over her mouth. Looked at Claudia, and looked at Leena. And nodded.

Claudia turned to Leena. “And is the landlady up for it?”

“Mmmmm. Creative rent-paying. I like it. Sounds much more fun than the government check I get every month to cover you freeloaders. I’ll be waiting with bells on.” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “And nothing else.”

“Nice. Oh, you’re going to enjoy yourself,” Claudia assured her. “Myka and I are gonna have all day to think about this.”

Leena shook her head. “You two are _definitely_ helping me with the laundry tomorrow.”

 

 


End file.
